When it takes more courage to live than die
ever heard of this phrase? had it on my msn nick for yesterday. i've made up this phrase quite long ago to relate to why ppl commit suicide n yesterday it pop up to me again. so wat r ur thoughts when u hear or read in the news of ppl comitting suicide? do u feel sorry for tat person or the loved ones he left behind? most ppl will say how stupid tat action is n despise them for giving up in life by taking the "easy way out". what happens when one day u found out tat it hapened to someone u know - be it a fren, relative or neighbour? ever pondered if u will feel the same way as for the questions before the above?
the feeling is definitely very different when u lose someone tat way. it's also very different when u have answer ppl who ask u the dreaded question "what happened??". we wouldn't have to think twice when answering the truth if it was an accident, sickness or natural death. but when it's suicide, we'll usually fall in between saying it out or to keep it a secret. to say it out just seem so brutal towards the image of the fallen one.
i just couldn't do it. "not much detail abt it" was the reply i chose... sigh
the feeling is definitely very different when u lose someone tat way. it's also very different when u have answer ppl who ask u the dreaded question "what happened??". we wouldn't have to think twice when answering the truth if it was an accident, sickness or natural death. but when it's suicide, we'll usually fall in between saying it out or to keep it a secret. to say it out just seem so brutal towards the image of the fallen one.
i just couldn't do it. "not much detail abt it" was the reply i chose... sigh
Friday, August 26, 2005
Ups & down of a day
well today was quite a special day with me hitting both ends of ups & down in just a single day.. my day started with a tutorial which i've been seeing *stars* most of the time but glad to say tat today i managed to clear some doubts. besides tat, usually thursdays(today) r the day tat i dread most due to the weekly class presentations for my elective - accounting(really sux when the tutor is in bad mood). i'm sure glad tat my grp is well prepared today n the tutor happens to be in a good mood unlike last week which is the total opposite. got shot real bad by her last week tat my whole grp was freaking pissed with her.. in addition i had 2 meetings today to make my day even more packed but looks like all went well for today. enjoyed myself alot today being my crazy self with ppl around me :)
well when i got back to hall at abt 8.45pm, it's already almost time for my table tennis playing session(unofficial IH training) at 9pm so i just rest for awhile n started contacting ppl to remind them abt it... while doin this i was getting some weird replies of some urgent meeting tonite so in the end only 2 person turned up(not too bad since there's only 1 table there).. anyway as we were playing, i received an sms with bad news... someone of my hall has just passed away.. i was stunned there for some time worrying who tat person might be.. so replied asking for more details.. after receiving the next reply of the name, i was really shocked n puzzled.. questions went through my head "wat happened? y him?" as i tried to continue playing but i just can't act like nothing happened. it doesn't help tat the ppl i asked r trying to keep something hidden abt further details of his death. well i'm not very close to him but still our distance is not tat far apart.. one of our war buddies, active hall resident, n quite frenly too. coming back to my block after playing i went searching for more answers from my frens but all i get is tat they only know as much as i do. then during the meetup in rememberance of him we finally got the answers. i would say it wasn't a good ending to life. anyway i'll make this post in rememberance of this person who will be remembered for the times spent together in the past one year. Farewell my fren n "may u be well & happy".
well when i got back to hall at abt 8.45pm, it's already almost time for my table tennis playing session(unofficial IH training) at 9pm so i just rest for awhile n started contacting ppl to remind them abt it... while doin this i was getting some weird replies of some urgent meeting tonite so in the end only 2 person turned up(not too bad since there's only 1 table there).. anyway as we were playing, i received an sms with bad news... someone of my hall has just passed away.. i was stunned there for some time worrying who tat person might be.. so replied asking for more details.. after receiving the next reply of the name, i was really shocked n puzzled.. questions went through my head "wat happened? y him?" as i tried to continue playing but i just can't act like nothing happened. it doesn't help tat the ppl i asked r trying to keep something hidden abt further details of his death. well i'm not very close to him but still our distance is not tat far apart.. one of our war buddies, active hall resident, n quite frenly too. coming back to my block after playing i went searching for more answers from my frens but all i get is tat they only know as much as i do. then during the meetup in rememberance of him we finally got the answers. i would say it wasn't a good ending to life. anyway i'll make this post in rememberance of this person who will be remembered for the times spent together in the past one year. Farewell my fren n "may u be well & happy".
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Many things have happened
Wow finally i think it's time for me to pen something down here after a long time of inactivity(personal posting). The last time i left off was when i was still enjoying my holidays at home in Penang so like wat the title says - many many things have come to pass from then till now. those 2 months definitely have made a big change n impact to myself n my relationship with others(both positive n negative) - basically from all the camps tat i was involved in.
MSA senior camp & MSA FOC
i'm really glad to say tat i've made the correct decision to be part of the organizing committee for the MSA FOC 2005. this is mainly bcos through working together to make this camp, i've managed to close the gap between me n the other m'sians here in NTU - something tat i've wanted to do last yr all along but i was unable to mix with them much. it has always bothered me to c myself as an outcast from my other fellow m'sians due to a language barrier(i dun speak mandarin and cantonese like most of them do) and distance(different halls). anyway i'm really glad tat through this camps i've managed to bond with them real well n even now i'm usually with them in lectures as i dun have hallmates with me in lectures.
besides the bonding part i'm also really glad tat this year there are more MSA juniors posted to my hall(Hall 1) unlike last yr where there was only 4 of us n there was totally no senior to invite us to join their activities n mix with others. this time round as a senior, i've did my part well(i think so) to guide them, mix with them n let them know tat we have each other to depend on in this foreign land.
Hall 1 FOC
when it came to hall foc it was my aim to get my MSA freshies to mix around with the local ppl n be part of hall 1 instead of just having frens in the range of our own countrymen. well i tried my best n managed to persuade 4 of them to join the foc. however, unfortunately 2 of them fell sick just as the camp started so i have only 2 left in the camp. as the days pass by, this 2 has also gone missing since they have unfinished admin stuff to settle. so it leaves me wondering if it was right to have ask them to join the FOC since it cost quite alot n they were not there much. well looks like history is repeating itself again year after year where most of the m'sians keep sticking on to each other n not opening up to mix with ppl of other country.. sigh. there's nothing wrong in having m'sians as ur main grp of frens but i think having this chance to study abroad, we all shld broaden our range of frens n knowledge of their culture n bla bla bla. i know it's kinda hard since they dun really come up to u n say "would u like to join us" but in uni isn't it time for us to reach out instead of waiting for ppl to reach out to us? a very good start would be by joining the hall FOC. then i try to encourage them to join hall stuff to bond further with ppl of the hall cos i think tat shifting halls year after year is a very stupid n troublesome thing. sometimes i find it quite hard to advice the freshies since there's already a bunch of seniors already recruiting them into their m'sian-dominated clubs (MSA is not included here since it's only meant for m'sians haha).
anyway i'm abit side-tracked from the topic on hall foc so getting back to it: personally this wasn't a good camp for me. at the start everything was fine until i started falling sick with fever on day 2. everything has gone from bad to worse since tat day with flu n cough coming hand-in-hand after my fever. looks like 3 weeks of continuous camp is really pushing the limits of my body. i know i didn't do my part well but seriously i dun think anybody can when they r in my situation. anyway this camp has done damage to my relationship with a couple of ppl but it's good tat i've been able to c the true colours of certain ppl - those who really cared n those who doesn't (it was pretty obvious to me even though i'm sick n can't think well). there's been some back-stabbing but i'm totally aware of it n those who r involved but i guess some ppl just doesn't understand my situation. another thing was the fear tat i've caught some infection since i was at a place where a sudden outbreak of infection happened a few days before my camp - another reason y i'm trying not to mix much with ppl tat time. if my parents knew of my condition then, they'll definitely have given me a scolding for continuing to join the camp instead of taking a proper rest. so the result from my sickness - not getting to bond well with the new freshies of Disney n broken relationship with others (but i think it's well worth-it). tat's all for now :)
MSA senior camp & MSA FOC
i'm really glad to say tat i've made the correct decision to be part of the organizing committee for the MSA FOC 2005. this is mainly bcos through working together to make this camp, i've managed to close the gap between me n the other m'sians here in NTU - something tat i've wanted to do last yr all along but i was unable to mix with them much. it has always bothered me to c myself as an outcast from my other fellow m'sians due to a language barrier(i dun speak mandarin and cantonese like most of them do) and distance(different halls). anyway i'm really glad tat through this camps i've managed to bond with them real well n even now i'm usually with them in lectures as i dun have hallmates with me in lectures.
besides the bonding part i'm also really glad tat this year there are more MSA juniors posted to my hall(Hall 1) unlike last yr where there was only 4 of us n there was totally no senior to invite us to join their activities n mix with others. this time round as a senior, i've did my part well(i think so) to guide them, mix with them n let them know tat we have each other to depend on in this foreign land.
Hall 1 FOC
when it came to hall foc it was my aim to get my MSA freshies to mix around with the local ppl n be part of hall 1 instead of just having frens in the range of our own countrymen. well i tried my best n managed to persuade 4 of them to join the foc. however, unfortunately 2 of them fell sick just as the camp started so i have only 2 left in the camp. as the days pass by, this 2 has also gone missing since they have unfinished admin stuff to settle. so it leaves me wondering if it was right to have ask them to join the FOC since it cost quite alot n they were not there much. well looks like history is repeating itself again year after year where most of the m'sians keep sticking on to each other n not opening up to mix with ppl of other country.. sigh. there's nothing wrong in having m'sians as ur main grp of frens but i think having this chance to study abroad, we all shld broaden our range of frens n knowledge of their culture n bla bla bla. i know it's kinda hard since they dun really come up to u n say "would u like to join us" but in uni isn't it time for us to reach out instead of waiting for ppl to reach out to us? a very good start would be by joining the hall FOC. then i try to encourage them to join hall stuff to bond further with ppl of the hall cos i think tat shifting halls year after year is a very stupid n troublesome thing. sometimes i find it quite hard to advice the freshies since there's already a bunch of seniors already recruiting them into their m'sian-dominated clubs (MSA is not included here since it's only meant for m'sians haha).
anyway i'm abit side-tracked from the topic on hall foc so getting back to it: personally this wasn't a good camp for me. at the start everything was fine until i started falling sick with fever on day 2. everything has gone from bad to worse since tat day with flu n cough coming hand-in-hand after my fever. looks like 3 weeks of continuous camp is really pushing the limits of my body. i know i didn't do my part well but seriously i dun think anybody can when they r in my situation. anyway this camp has done damage to my relationship with a couple of ppl but it's good tat i've been able to c the true colours of certain ppl - those who really cared n those who doesn't (it was pretty obvious to me even though i'm sick n can't think well). there's been some back-stabbing but i'm totally aware of it n those who r involved but i guess some ppl just doesn't understand my situation. another thing was the fear tat i've caught some infection since i was at a place where a sudden outbreak of infection happened a few days before my camp - another reason y i'm trying not to mix much with ppl tat time. if my parents knew of my condition then, they'll definitely have given me a scolding for continuing to join the camp instead of taking a proper rest. so the result from my sickness - not getting to bond well with the new freshies of Disney n broken relationship with others (but i think it's well worth-it). tat's all for now :)
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
3 little words with BIG meaning
The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship. These are just three little BUT VERY POWERFUL words
I'LL BE THERE
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to
take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some
miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll
be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can
give. When we're truly present for other people, important things happen
to them & us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored
emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.
I MISS YOU
Perhaps more marriages could be saved & strengthened if couples simply
& sincerely say to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation
tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired & loved. Consider how
ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from
your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."
I RESPECT YOU
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling
that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if
they were adults you will strengthen the bonds & become close friends.
This applies to all interpersonal relationships.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT
This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring
frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility
of admitting may be "I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated
argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of
view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk
of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're
right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you
may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational
manner.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would
admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable
to faults and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he
has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is
wiser today than he was yesterday.
LET ME HELP
The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a
hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in
and help.
I THANK YOU
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the
companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily
courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many
expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends
is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.
COUNT ON ME
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an
essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds
people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady
and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating
"you can count on me."
I UNDERSTAND YOU
People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other
person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many
little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools
for healing relationship. This applies to any relationship.
GO FOR IT
We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform
to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how
weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to
that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their
dreams. Tell them to "go for it."
I LOVE YOU
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling
someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs
- the need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your
spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three
little words "I love you."
I'LL BE THERE
If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to
take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some
miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll
be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can
give. When we're truly present for other people, important things happen
to them & us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored
emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.
I MISS YOU
Perhaps more marriages could be saved & strengthened if couples simply
& sincerely say to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation
tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired & loved. Consider how
ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from
your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."
I RESPECT YOU
Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling
that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if
they were adults you will strengthen the bonds & become close friends.
This applies to all interpersonal relationships.
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT
This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring
frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe you're right" is the humility
of admitting may be "I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated
argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of
view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk
of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're
right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you
may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational
manner.
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would
admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable
to faults and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he
has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is
wiser today than he was yesterday.
LET ME HELP
The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a
hurt they do what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in
and help.
I THANK YOU
Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the
companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily
courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many
expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends
is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.
COUNT ON ME
A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an
essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds
people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady
and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating
"you can count on me."
I UNDERSTAND YOU
People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other
person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many
little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools
for healing relationship. This applies to any relationship.
GO FOR IT
We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform
to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how
weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to
that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their
dreams. Tell them to "go for it."
I LOVE YOU
Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling
someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs
- the need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your
spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three
little words "I love you."
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Why The Elephants Don't Run?
A number of years ago, I had the rather unique experience of being backstage in Madison Square Garden, in New York, during the Ringling Brothers Barnum & Bailey Circus. I was able to walk around looking at the lions, tigers, giraffes and all the other circus animals.
As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They think the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."
I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they could not, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? How many of us are being held back by old, outdated beliefs that no longer serve us? Have you avoided trying something new because of a limiting belief? Worse, how many of us are being held back by someone else's limiting beliefs? Do you tell yourself you can't sell because your not a salesperson?
It has been said throughout history that what ever you believe, with conviction, you can achieve. Don't be like the poor elephant and go through your life stuck because of a limiting belief you were given or developed years ago. Take charge of your life and live it to the fullest. You deserve the best!
Jim Donovan
Jim Donovan is the author of Handbook to a Happier Life, a motivational speaker and certified business coach. Jim's message is, "Within you is the power to Change Your Life."
As I was passing the elephants, I suddenly stopped, confused by the fact that these huge creatures were being held by only a small rope tied to their front leg. No chains, no cages. It was obvious that the elephants could, at any time, break away from their bonds but for some reason, they did not. I saw a trainer near by and asked why these beautiful, magnificent animals just stood there and made no attempt to get away.
"Well," he said, "when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it's enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They think the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free."
I was amazed. These animals could at any time break free from their bonds but because they believed they could not, they were stuck right where they were.
Like the elephants, how many of us go through life hanging onto a belief that we cannot do something, simply because we failed at it once before? How many of us are being held back by old, outdated beliefs that no longer serve us? Have you avoided trying something new because of a limiting belief? Worse, how many of us are being held back by someone else's limiting beliefs? Do you tell yourself you can't sell because your not a salesperson?
It has been said throughout history that what ever you believe, with conviction, you can achieve. Don't be like the poor elephant and go through your life stuck because of a limiting belief you were given or developed years ago. Take charge of your life and live it to the fullest. You deserve the best!
Jim Donovan
Jim Donovan is the author of Handbook to a Happier Life, a motivational speaker and certified business coach. Jim's message is, "Within you is the power to Change Your Life."
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