Could we ever repay them?
today, i was browsing through some videos and i saw someone shared a whole list of videos directed by Yasmin Ahmad - one of the very best director from Malaysia which just passed away recently.. it was not until recently that many ppl including myself know that she was the person behind all those great and touching commercials during festive seasons in malaysian TV.
as i was watching those videos, my tear ducts just opened up like a water tap flowing.. truly a great director that always set out to remind of us the little but very important things and values in life..
it made me wonder and i cried because i felt so dissapointed with myself.. i thought of my parents and i felt the emptiness that has become a gap between us over the years.. i looked back, and thought of the things i've done and things that i've not done.. it felt so wrong.. one thing abt growing up, we begin to hold our own thoughts and sometimes we go against our parents.. and the things we say, we may never realised how painful it would be to them..
i may not have been a bad son, but i wasn't a good one either, i was practically nothing. i asked myself repeatedly, what good have i ever done in any effort to repay them over the years? it's been 25 years of my life, 25 years of immeasurable love and care.. what have we ever given in return?? pack up one day and move to another country far far away? coming home once in awhile and treat the home like a hotel? telling them we can't have dinner with them because got some other appointment?
think about it.. i know i'm not alone, and i'm just one of the many out there.. have u ever asked yourself what do they want? if u know the answer, do u ever go the distance to fulfill them? to be honest, i'm quite lost with the answer myself. sometimes i've thought of so many things that i wish to do for them.. but it hardly ever becomes a reality.. from time to time again, i ask myself why?? is it just me being unable to care?? guess it will make much effort to change..
no matter how far u go, u must always remember there are places that u need to return to.. and home will always be one of the place.
some videos in memory of Yasmin:
as i was watching those videos, my tear ducts just opened up like a water tap flowing.. truly a great director that always set out to remind of us the little but very important things and values in life..
it made me wonder and i cried because i felt so dissapointed with myself.. i thought of my parents and i felt the emptiness that has become a gap between us over the years.. i looked back, and thought of the things i've done and things that i've not done.. it felt so wrong.. one thing abt growing up, we begin to hold our own thoughts and sometimes we go against our parents.. and the things we say, we may never realised how painful it would be to them..
i may not have been a bad son, but i wasn't a good one either, i was practically nothing. i asked myself repeatedly, what good have i ever done in any effort to repay them over the years? it's been 25 years of my life, 25 years of immeasurable love and care.. what have we ever given in return?? pack up one day and move to another country far far away? coming home once in awhile and treat the home like a hotel? telling them we can't have dinner with them because got some other appointment?
think about it.. i know i'm not alone, and i'm just one of the many out there.. have u ever asked yourself what do they want? if u know the answer, do u ever go the distance to fulfill them? to be honest, i'm quite lost with the answer myself. sometimes i've thought of so many things that i wish to do for them.. but it hardly ever becomes a reality.. from time to time again, i ask myself why?? is it just me being unable to care?? guess it will make much effort to change..
no matter how far u go, u must always remember there are places that u need to return to.. and home will always be one of the place.
some videos in memory of Yasmin:
Monday, July 20, 2009
Anger is danger
i've neglected this place for quite some time.. reason is i've been busy.. busy being back to my gaming life and of cos work which waste a lot of my daily time.
anyway, everytime i visit this place to pen something.. it's always something bothering me or some deep thoughts that i need to express. sometimes maybe to show that i'm still alive haha
anyway, i've been through a disappointing and angry bout just at the start of this passing weekend. it was all about the chance for a Japan business trip being taken away from me.. not planing to put up much details since i'm already letting go of that whole incident.
but anyway, the important thing here is that i'm seeing signs of losing my grip over myself.. i guess over the peaceful years, the grip has loosen but i'm glad i still managed to hold it together again this time.. honestly, i do have fear of myself and things i may be capable of if one day, i do lose myself.. i've never doubt the things that i am capable of doing, even wrongdoing.. as long as the mind can conceive, there can be no boundaries
i told someone, i was gonna do this thing.. and he said i wouldn't dare.. to be honest, i dare.. but then i thought, and i realised, and then i was calmed.. it would have been foolish to allow anger to consume my soul.
the mind is the greatest thing that governs our life.. be mindful :)
anyway, everytime i visit this place to pen something.. it's always something bothering me or some deep thoughts that i need to express. sometimes maybe to show that i'm still alive haha
anyway, i've been through a disappointing and angry bout just at the start of this passing weekend. it was all about the chance for a Japan business trip being taken away from me.. not planing to put up much details since i'm already letting go of that whole incident.
but anyway, the important thing here is that i'm seeing signs of losing my grip over myself.. i guess over the peaceful years, the grip has loosen but i'm glad i still managed to hold it together again this time.. honestly, i do have fear of myself and things i may be capable of if one day, i do lose myself.. i've never doubt the things that i am capable of doing, even wrongdoing.. as long as the mind can conceive, there can be no boundaries
i told someone, i was gonna do this thing.. and he said i wouldn't dare.. to be honest, i dare.. but then i thought, and i realised, and then i was calmed.. it would have been foolish to allow anger to consume my soul.
the mind is the greatest thing that governs our life.. be mindful :)
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